Is it nature or nurture that make you who you are?

This post is a guest post by a wonderful author and birth mother – Caroline K. Dixon.   A woman of heart and conviction, she has used her faith, heart, and love to understand the complex, emotive world of adoption.   

birthmom Caroline K Dixon

Meet birthmom Caroline Dixon

“The loss of the daughter to the mother, the mother to the daughter, is the essential female tragedy.” – Adrienne Rich.

I have spent the better part of this afternoon perusing a fellow birth mother’s blog.  My first baby girl, Rebecca, suggested I might do that, so I could learn more about blogging. It has not been easy to feel her pain. I have experienced so much of what she shares. I have borrowed the quote above from Suz at WritingMyWrongs.com

My heart aches as she shares hers. We share a grief no mother should know. I am most blessed, however, that I have been reunited with the infant daughter I released just a few days after her birth. It has not always been easy. Ours was a closed adoption, in 1978. I never expected she would want to know me. She had loving, generous parents that always prepared her to know me. Sadly, when my own mother learned that I was to be reunited with my baby girl, she could not imagine why I would want that. I can’t begin to express the joy I felt at knowing that my baby girl wanted to know about me. I had built a stone wall, believing such an event could never take place. For 18 years, I could only pray she was loved, healthy and thriving. I would have given anything to see her, to hold her, to know her. How could my mother not understand that? I was certain that she would be happy that God had blessed me so. Powerful emotions rest just below the surface today.

Providence for a First Time Mom book cover

Finding comfort from love and faith.

In the midst of all of the triumph, there have been tears. I have finally realized that I was not my most authentic self until now. I have spent 35 years trying to be what my mother wanted me to be. Finally, I am learning to be who God intended me to be. I am free to love and be loved. The love I know is unconditional. I am blessed beyond measure by family and friends, truly joyful for my accomplishment in sharing my story. I am filled with gratitude for those who have reached out and said my story has touched them in some way. I am looking forward to the next baby steps of this journey. I am eager to learn more about  my new friend, Jeanette, and about her story, which begins with FLYING SOLO and answers all the questions in WAITING IN THE WINGSProvidence continues.  The people in and out of our lives have purpose.  Perhaps you need them, or perhaps they need you. My prayers are ongoing for those who have any painful memories from me telling my story. It is my perspective from a time long ago, but brings peace to the soul of this first mom. – Caroline K. Dixon

This wonderful and book was published and Caroline’s story made possible by Progressive Rising Phoenix press.  I had the pleasure of meeting Caroline at 3rd annual Lexicon Writer’s Conference.  Sometimes God’s providence does indeed put two people together.  We were immediately drawn to another.   Spine tingling goosebumps!   Take a moment to visit Caroline’s inspiring story and words.   Her hopes, as are mine that anyone experiencing adoption – be it birth mothers, children adopted, or adoptive parents find strength and hope in reading our stories.

 

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Wed child loved by two mothers – Nov is National Adoption Month

Giving the greatest gift – life!

The subject of adoption brings up many connotations.   It is subject for some great stories, great characters, great reads and great movies.    Adoption is the greatest gift of love – the gift of life.   Being adopted, then having children of your own, you can relate to the incredibly difficult situation a birth mother experiences.    Or being the adopting mother or father, you understand the yearning to have a child.   The wait can be daunting.

That is why, AgeView Press would like to honor all birth mothers.   They are Belles of Steel.  They are true heros!    For you see, in today’s world, when they found they were pregnant. . . they had a choice.   Did you know that at eight days of life, a primitive heart begins to beat?  That’s right, all four chambers have begun to form.   Eight days.   Not eight weeks.   Eight days from the time of conception.   The pacemaker of the heart begins to beat and it continues to beat until that soul takes its last breath.    How can you argue that is not a life?

The birth mother had a fantasy shattered.   A relationship did not come to fruition.    Poverty intervened.    Or the timing just wasn’t right.    But a higher power was in control.  That soul created had a destiny.   A destiny to be born.    Strength was instilled within a birth mother who chose to honor life.    It wasn’t an easy choice.  It would be nine months of heartache.    It almost takes an emotional displacement, to love and care for what is within – yet distance one’s self in knowing that the choice to give their child up, is one of the most painful in life.

A heart-wrenching dichotomy occurs at the birth.   For the birth mother, it is an end.   The journey complete, time to start anew.   For the adoptive parents, the journey is just beginning.   A prayer answered.   The most precious gift now received.   It is an ending and a beginning.  The alpha and the omega, but maybe in reverse.

Both the birth mother and the adoptive mother will have to have tough skins.    Both will here how could you?    How could you give away your own flesh and blood?   How can you love a child that is not your own flesh and blood.    Simple.   Love is of a higher countenance.    Bestowed on those who open their hearts.    The new life is mourned by the birth mother, yet cherished by the adoptive mother.    The baby will grow up loving the woman who gave birth and the mother that cared and raised them throughout life.

One mother is not less than the other.    They will forever be a part of the child’s existence, whether known or not known.    The birth mother will never forget.    The adoptive mother will always remember.

If you or someone you know is considering adoption, talk it through with the experts.   They will be able to provide you with all the considerations.    Also, take the time to read some stories on adoption.     Stories that will highlight both sides of the issue.    One suggestion would be the 5 star rated novel, FLYING SOLO.    Set in 1960s New Orleans, it explores all aspects of adoption, love, and loss.    Don’t take my word for it, just read the 25 reviews on Amazon.

Two mothers, the one who gave and the one who recieved.

Two mothers, the one who gave and the one who recieved.

Bless all mothers considering adoption and those receiving and adopted child for the monumental decisions you are making in your life.  Both the giving and the receiving.  To read more about this journey from the adopted child’s perspective, try WAITING IN THE WINGS.

AgeView Press is proud to announce that Belles of Steel number 7 and number 8 are none other than the women who were brave enough to provide me with life and see that I was loved, birth mother Lenore Parks Woodham, RIP and receiving mother Edmee Hymel Baird.