What does it take to erase memories of the atrocities of war? Many a veteran of conflict struggle with this question. Through withdrawal, social faux paux, story telling or even failed self-medication with mind altering substances they attempt to numb the horrific images, sounds, nightmares, panic attacks, moral questioning paranoia and psychoses as survivors of war. Welcome to the world of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Our Vietnam veterans attempt to cope with this each and every day. They celebrate their successes in reunions and camaraderie, but for some, when they return home and are alone in their private thoughts, the negative thoughts return. Like an incessant, never-ending trauma.
In 2012, I had the fortuitous luck to come upon a pilot’s manuscript called ETERNALLY AT WAR while researching the Vietnam Center and Archives at Texas Tech University. From its first pages, I was captivated. Captain Robert “Gene” Lathrop was a Marine pilot for VMA 311 out of Chu Lai. He was writing about the base and USO club I wanted to feature, Chu Lai and was also writing about the air war in Vietnam. He flew the McDonnell Douglas A-4 Skyhawk. The plane I wanted to write about. What luck!
Who knew that graduate students had taken scads of oral histories recorded, photographs, manuscripts, and memorabilia and converted them to digital medium for preservation. The Vietnam Center at TTU was a goldmine! How awesome that the intimate details of this controversial war were being preserved! As a Red Raider alum, I had no idea this even existed! Way to go Big Red!!
Using some sleuth techniques, I was able to track down Gene’s address in Washington. After thoroughly devouring his manuscript, I was anxious to speak to him about its content. I reached his wife who informed that sadly, Gene had passed away only months before. I was heartbroken. I explained that I was a writer and what I wished to do with the material. After some thought, she graciously granted me the rights to utilize some of his stories for my historical fiction novel SOLO VIETNAM.
As I was crafting SOLO VIETNAM, I propped Gene’s picture up next to the computer. It was like we were penning it together. I felt honored to be in his world and indeed his presence. SOLO VIETNAM featured many of Gene’s missions which were weaved into my feature character, a Navy pilot with VA 153 off the USS Coral Sea CVA-43 WestPac cruise of 1967-68. SOLO VIETNAM was awarded the silver medal by the Military Writer’s Association, featured at Tailhook 2014 by the A-4 Skyhawk Association, and won fourth place in the Readers’ Favorite 2014 book awards. Gene would have been so proud.
After reviewing the books, his wife asked if I would turn his entire manuscript into a memoir. I was honored and said “YES!!” During the research for ETERNALLY AT WAR’s production, we discussed including how post-traumatic stress disorder greatly affected many of the veterans returning from Vietnam. She revealed how it had impacted Gene some ten years after his return. How initially, no one knew what it was. Gene’s sister related how many family members and friends would politely smile, yet roll their eyes, tired of his repeated stories. She requested that I cover that in the book, as a message to others. Again, I was humbled to be challenged with the task.
But Gene sent me an internal message from above. He had a better idea. Going back into the archive, I discovered that the graduate students had been very busy beavers indeed. There now were several documents in the archive, including a manuscript of Gene’s poems and an oral transcript. His family was thrilled. It was amazing to hear his voice.
Although I continue to work on ETERNALLY AT WAR, I am pleased to announce that Gene’s other book, a collection of poems written about his experiences flying in Vietnam, the conflict, and the aftermath will be released in time for Christmas 2015!!!! It is called THE DARK SIDE OF HEAVEN. So make your plans now to reserve a copy of the beautiful collection of prose, photography, and pen and ink drawings depicting the Vietnam conflict and its aftermath to be published by AgeView Press.
I feel strongly that Gene is dancing a jig to know that his words will find meaning in the comrades, friends, and families of Vietnam veterans affected by the perils of PTSD. He believed the required acts delegated to servicemen during war inflicted a moral bankruptcy which threatened their psyche and well being upon their return. Thus provoking PTSD.
Enjoy an excerpt, indeed the title poem from the upcoming release THE DARK SIDE OF HEAVEN.
THE DARK SIDE OF HEAVEN
It’s two in the morning here comes the fire.
They’re still shooting low, but they’ll walk it up higher.
I’m on bearing to target, ten thousand to go.
“Roger, I copy, turning left three five oh.”
Out to the east, orange balls of flame
Are bursting right now, from where we just came
I’m approaching the target, five thousand to go
“Roger, I copy, fifteen knots slow.”
Only three thousand meters, and I’ll be headin’ back
For a shot of French cognac, and some time in the rack.
I feel a big buck and six eggs for free,
I’m clearing the target, heading east to the sea.”
Once clear of the target, I’ll fly just offshore
Heading south to recovery and just watch the war.
I’m totally drained and this planes not the best.
“This is Hellborne, Vice Squad; keep me clear to the nest.”
Look, there is a Spooky, a spittin’ out lead
to the west of Dong Ha, the ground will be red.
There’s a fire near that Base, it’s at three o’clock
“I see it, Vice Squad, it’s that big floating dock.
I’m coming up on the lights of the city of Hue
‘Twas overrun during Tet; taken back during May
That big flash at twelve, is the Jersey at play
“I’ve got her, Vice Squad, her salvo’s away
All those lights off to starboard are at Danang
Where the bomb dumps went up with a helluva bang
Those tracers at one are at little Ho’ An
“Chu Lai’s under fire; we’ll land if we can.”
I get so damned tired, flying three hops a day
I just get numb, that’s all I can say
The base is secure; no more enemy fire
“I’m coming in approach, and takin’ a wire.
There’s flares on final, but I’ve made the decision
I’ll be going in hook down, without my night vision.
If Hades was the earth and with firepits in the sky
The center of Hell would be at Chu Lai.
I’ve got three down & locked, and dropping the hook
I’ll be takin’ the wire, just like in a book.
The arrest was just perfect, I’m so good it’s a sin.
“What the hell do you mean? You got rockets comin in.”
The rockets are comin like a spew from a fount
But on the Dark Side of Heaven such matters don’t count.
I’m back in the deck and out of the sky
It’s a hell of a home, but it’s ours at Chu Lai.
Written by Captain Robert “Gene” Lathrop, UMSC during treatment for PTSD on Ward 7A, VAMC American Lake, 1987